Gutterfest 2008

This year’s edition of Gutterfest was held at a recently remodeled bowling center just across the river from our offices in downtown Portland. I entered this year’s event having won every bowling competition in my 14 years at Babcock & Jenkins. Having recently purchased a new ball to help improve my scores in my weekly Men’s League, I had no reason to think this event would be any different.

Deliverables

Unlike previous years when there was some vague notion of a team competition and an assumption of individual prizes this year’s event had some very specific goals laid out for everyone. We received shirts for the event the morning of and on the back were “Deliverables” to be checked off when completed. Doesn’t exactly sound like the makings of a good time. On closer inspection however, the deliverables were designed to inspire fun for all. Score another win for the Babcock & Jenkins Creative team. A few examples are:

• Roll a minimum of 3 gutterballs per team
• One team member has to use a pink ball
• Consume a pitcher of beer (I’m assuming that meant per team, not per individual)
• Tell a team next to you how much you love them. When Mark Fries looked deep into my eyes and expressed his love for me, I forgot this one for a second, but only a second. Your wife is a lucky woman Mark.

The deliverable that caught my attention though was one that had three boxes to be checked off not just one

• After getting a strike, yell “Take that, Mike!”

Not sure whose idea that was but I will blame it on Lisa Michelle Blank. I’m guessing that maybe my summary of last year’s Gutterfest might have inspired this deliverable. I lost count how many people not only yelled out “Take that Mike!” but literally walked 40 yards from their lanes to come over to me, stand right in my face, point a wicked finger at me and then shout the required phrase. Ahh, yes the joys of bowling.

(Too) Well Oiled

Before I get to how the bowling itself went, let me just say that I throw a ball that relies on hooking into the pocket and destroying the pins. That’s the way I bowl and I’ve never come across lane conditions where I couldn’t use my style to my best advantage. Until Gutterfest 2008. The proprietors of these lanes have chosen to oil their lanes in such a way that bowling balls do not hook. While I’m expecting my bowling ball to take a path resembling a half moon, my attempts on this night resulted in a path more closely resembling someone taking ruler to paper and drawing the straightest line possible. I would have felt even worse had my teammate Thienson not experienced a similar result.

Thienson cups the ball and doesn’t use the thumbhole at all, he then twists his hand as he throws to get an incredible amount of spin on the ball. The result? A skidding, spinning ball that goes straight as an arrow down the lanes. I managed a 135 in the 1st game and was on my way to a lower score in the 2nd when I had to depart for my daughter’s recital at school. Most people didn’t know why I was leaving and probably assumed I’d thrown in the towel and left in utter defeat.

So who did bowl well? I believe Keith took top honors with a 194. While I was melting down like the Wicked Witch of the East, Keith was nailing strikes and spares like he was on the PBA Tour.

Keith is smiling now, but little does he know what awaits him next year as defending champion.

The Ones to Watch

The surprise of the night had to be Jordan Lev. For the past year I’ve been giving Jordan a hard time because he proudly displays his “Most Spirited Team” award in his cube. Not only that but he is truly surprised when I query him on why he’s so pleased with this award. To me all sporting events have one purpose, to determine a winner. “Most Spirited Team” is like saying, “You have no chance of winning but you were good sports about it, so we’ll give you this”. I’m sorry I know that sounds cold, but it’s just the way I feel. This year Jordan, however, not only bowled his personal best game but crushed me in doing so. Even more impressive is that he finished a solid game with three strikes in the 10th frame. I believe he ended with a 174 and received a much deserved apology from me for doubting his bowling abilities. Jordan is so funny though, he wants no part in rubbing it in. Even though my taunting was all in good fun, it was still taunting and I was quite vocal about it. Since his dominating performance I have yet to hear any retribution. Instead he has reacted like a kid in a candy store, just amazed at his good fortune. My failure to understand this reaction is probably why I’m never in the running for the “Most Spirited Team” award.

Another strong performance was turned in by Josh Siler who seemed like a man on a mission early on with tons of strikes. It may be that once he’d checked off all of his deliverables for yelling at me he lost the desire to throw strikes. I have no idea how Debbie Wood bowled over all but I did hear voice loud and clear on a few occasions so she must’ve had a few strikes. In conclusion I feel I must mention Lisa. I’m sure Lisa wants to do well (I could hear the cursing under her breath after most throws). But that doesn’t appear to be her primary objective when bowling. Mostly it’s a performance art. What I see is kind of like ballet where each throw features a new dance move. Similar to Jordan she definitely finds a form of enjoyment in bowling that has eluded me thus far.

Keep it up Lisa, as organizer you can take pride in another successful Gutterfest event. I’m sure everyone is looking forward to Gutterfest 2009 and Keith, watch out my friend, I’ll be ready next year.